Single Dad looking for advice

[espinal]

Single Dad looking for advice I got custody of my 8 years ago and have spent all my time raising them, with no time left for a personal life outside, not to mention the constant litigation with their mom. I'm in my late 40s and am interested in meeting a woman, but I have not been on a date since I got custody. Pretty sad, I know. I'm thankful for the experience of raising my , no regrets, but I let my love life suffer, and would like to hear from anyone out there with a similar experience on how they started dating again. I have a degree, teach High School math and science, have been told that I am attractive, in decent shape. I just put things on the back burner to focus on my , turned around and wonder where the time went. Anyone with a story or advice to share would be welcomed.

[jacome]

How old are they?

[hulsey]

Single Dad Daughter 15, Son 16

[bailin]

Okay - they're old enough to be left on their own for several hours at night or during weekends. A lot of posters in this forum suggest dating sites while I and others suggest getting involved doing the things you love to do. That way you'll meet someone with similar intersts. It really doesn't matter what you do - so long as you DO something, :) Have fun.

[nevill]

First and foremost, it's a date, not the apocalypse. Relax. You interact with your friends, co-workers, family, neighbors, etc. Start with what and who you know. Play tourist and don't be shy - there are adults everywhere thesedays - stores, libraries, churches, PTA meetings, at places where you find things that interest you. You don't have to assault them - "hello", "that's a nice ...." are reasonably good icebreakers. How casual you choose to be in dating is your business, BUT watch how much visibility you're providing to your - discriminate A LOT before introducing dates to your -will keep them and you a little saner.

[fallon]

Have you looked into PWP? Parents Without Partners is a great organization that hosts get-togethers with other single parents. It's cheap, like $30-ish to join. There are dances, and women are encouraged to ask men to dance. They host dinners, outings with and without the , and all sorts of low-cost activities where men and women seek friendships and LTRs. Most weeks they have at least several opportunities to get out there in circulate. You might want to check it out.

[faye]

You can also join meetup meetup is free and hugely popular. They have groups about just about everything. I'll bet there is one for single parents.

[mangels]

You sounds like a catch! Now you just have to believe it yourself. :-) Keep it casual at first. Join a few dating sites, get involved in activities, break out of your comfort zone, and have some fun!

[luther]

I would pick one site and stick with it. From my personal experience if you see the same faces on multiple sites it comes across as desperate. At least to me it does.

[heinbaugh]

I know single parents who have found friends and dates at Parents Without Parters meetings. Most of the attendees are female, so the odds are very good in your favor there.

[rolla]

Have you though about school girls Lots of male teachers go that route.

[townes]

Thanks for all the responses Very much appreciated.

[stitely]

my $.02 I'm a 42 y/o divorced mom (4yrs), also a HS teacher, but both of mine have graduated, so dating is a bit easier now. I didn't really want to bring anyone into their life while they were dealing with their dad leaving as well as being adolesents. It's very difficult as a teacher finding eligible singles in the school system...the single adults are usually the ones in their 20s, and it seems most of the more "mature" adults are married (or just don't fit the bill). I've had success meeting people online, but it's can be challenging...you'll meet women from all different walks of life, many of whom you'd never have encountered otherwise. Though I really do have lots of advice to offer, I'll try and keep it short. Try and develop a list of what character traits you would like in a partner, as well as what you bring to the table in that vein. Also line up those things that you don't want...(someone who wants more , doesn't want , loves to party, hates to party, smokes, doesn't smoke, whatever.) I would avoid anyone who is recently out of a long term relationship (like 1yr or less), and if she was married for a long time, even longer. And take it slow...that doesn't mean the dating part...but get to know her before jumping into bed (however tempting that may be), and though I don't think it's a big deal for your to know you're dating, don't have her meet your until you're pretty sure she's a keeper. Even though they're teens, it's just not cool to bring someone around who's out the door next month.

[L;urette]

my favorite 'single dad' poster here, is PB Puzzled Boy has custody of his 2 about 90% of the time. It took a while for the dust to settle but, like you, he began to date again. I think he's my favorite 'dad' poster because he clearly wants to do what is best for his first, then his wants and needs come into the picture. In other words, he's a good parent. And because of that, I see him as a very charming and interesting single man. I think that could be you too! Have you tried feeling things out at work? Have you considered putting your bio on a dating site like Plenty of Fish or OK Cupid?

[surrency]

Aww..... Thanks!

[Gale]

My experience dating a single dad Or multiple single dads actually, but the last one I've now been with for four years. It's hard to meet people because you are always home or out with the kids doing kid-centered things. I met some online, one at a writer's club, and my BF at a local pub where he stops off once in a blue moon after work. Not for too long; because there were x boys at home x,x,x. All the boys knew how to cook - they took turns. Dating, he'd see me after they were done eating, doing homework, and the youngest was off to bed - so our dates would start about x:xpm. He'd go out with me Saturday night. Later he'd go back and forth a couple times a day between my place and his. He says now that it was pretty demanding of his time and that he felt worried he might have neglected them too much for me. Of course, he felt that before dating me as well. Most dads don't want to introduce the kids until it is somewhat serious. Older kids can handle the casual concept better than young ones. After all, they have girlfriends too. The cell phone was always on at my place and he ed the older boys about x to say goodnight. He didn't answer the phone during sex; but would get up after to see if it was them if had rung during. If he expected to be ed to pick them up at a game, we didn't get started. As time went on he spent more hours at my place; partly my fault because he tried to get me comfortable spending time at his house so he wouldn't have to choose who to be with all the time. I'm sure the whole kid-handling wasn't perfect; but it sort of worked.

[Emr]

Great post, but last line is a total lie.

[herman]

I'm right there with you brother. I've been divorced for x years. My ex is a fruitcake and keeps coming and going from my x boys lives. She currently has them about x% of the time so I have been getting a break every other week. I look forward to my break and then I miss the boys when they are gone. I personally like OKCupid.com. They have a lot of match questions you can answer and they do a decent job of matching you up with nice women. In fact the last woman I dated for x months I met her there. Infortunately it is a numbers game and there are a lot of "interesting" people up there to weed out. The other thing that I have done is been open to just friendship. I have x women that I have become very good friends with through dating sites. I just have one real basic rule for dating and my kids. I do not involve my boys in my dating until I am in a committed relationship. Period. The boys will not meet her until we have had the committed relationship talk. This seems to take place usually around the four month mark. I have dated a couple women who wanted to almost immediately be involved with them and I shut it down. I found that rather strange too considering they had kids as well. I don't want women coming and going from their lives. You know as a father you are setting examples for your kids to learn from. I try to set a good example and I don't want them to think it's ok for that kind of behavior. I do bring female friends around and my boys are smart enough to know the difference. How old are your kids? Mine are now x and x. I feel comfortable leaving them by themselves for x or x hours at a time now if I want to go out on a date. I'll usually stop on the way home from work and pick up dinner for them. It's amazing to me how excited they get when I bring home a pizza. I make sure they are fed and then I can get out for a while. One thing you have to understand. You are a single guy who has custody of his kids. There are a lot of single moms out there that would find that VERY attractive. You've got a major leg up on the dead beat dads.

[baehr]

there are many single mothers for your kids at school. you just have to listen to the kids when they are telling you stories of their home lives. but obviously donot be so creepy about it and follow up...but wait for opportunities with all those single mothers. unless you are averse to single mothers!

[pfeiffer]

kutos for raising your children My dad did the same thing. I can only tell you what happened with him as advice. He raised me by himself starting when I was x (druggie mom). My dad never had a single date or anything until I was x! I convinced him that he needed to live for himself and we set up a profile on match.com. He went out on a few unsuccessful dates, women that didn't click. Then he met my now step-mother. Just keep your head up and the only way to "get back into it" is to jump in head first. P.S. Let your daughter dress you for the dates, because if your anything like my dad, after raising me he forgot how to dress nice. lol I wouldn't let him go out of the house for a date until I approved his apparel. Ha ha ha! Not to mention it will help her "cope" with sharing dad (it helped me)