Transcending a milestone...

[vavrek]

Transcending a milestone... ..and learning how to let go, and acquaint myself with some of my lingering weaknesses in the process, and not being too scared to take them on. It's funny, I've survived a number of extreme, life threatening situations in my life. Naked violence under a variety of circumstances, and a few unforseen near disasters, for example. People tend to think that these kinds of experiences prepare you for anything that confronts you. Wrong. What those experiences did do, however, was teach me the importance of being crystal clear honest with myself. They also taught me the need to find ways to overcome, improvise and adapt. I'm loosing a woman, though we haven't been dating long, I still love deeply. But, it really appears that we can't work out. We don't seem to share the same belief systems about morality, life operation principles, and the like. I had to face facts; that environment of misalignment of shared views spells a losing proposition. I got alot of great advice here on this forum. I'm trying to back out of this thing without having it appear that I'm leaving and taking away the help I've been giving her with various things, like some of her bills, because we're not working out. Should I just quit while I'm ahead and not worry that it looks like I'm simply jumping ship?

[Lacey]

When you break up.... you break up. She is an adult. She can learn to budget and pay her own bills. You are not her sugar daddy. I'm sorry you fell really hard for this girl. But she was just that, a girl.

[foley]

Hello again I didn't know you were paying some of her bills. How long had you been together? I think if what you eventually want an equal partnership with someone, you may want to think twice about giving or loaning money, especially towards the beginning of a relationship (this is for next time). It sets up a strange power dynamic and it can be hard to tell if everyone is in it for the right reasons. As far as what you do now, explain to her that you care about her but that it would no longer be proper for you to give her any money.

[munnerlyn]

Hi stuckinbed25.... ....I think you're right. I'd helped her in the past before we started dating. I do kinda feel guilty, but at the same time, I don't think it's a good idea to continue the trend. If we were staying together, I'd help her.

[woodbridge]

I know it may not seem like it But giving someone money, in the long run, isn't helping. It is one thing if you help someone out once with an emergency or big purchase. But to continually give someone money is actually, weather you mean to or not, only creating a dependency. I am not sure if you were doing this, but sometimes men create situations in which someone will NEED them because they are afraid that person wouldn't want them if they were not offering something else. You may not even have been aware you are doing it. The next time you meet someone, keep your wallet in your pocket! If you want to do something nice, buy here something that she wouldn't buy herself. But let her be a big girl and meet her own needs.

[Adelheid]

Yeah, I'm an old school southern guy..... ...it's what we do where I'm from. But these days things are different. Fair is no longer fair. It's all about what you can get, without having to give anything in return.

[azzopardi]

You're not getting away with that one! :) My Mama is from Oaklahoma. And while southern men are incredibly generous and often have a better sense of Chivalry than thier northern counterparts. Paying someones BILLS is not a part of that. Unless they are your wife and raising your kiddos. I think it is great that you are so giving. It says a lot about you and I DON'T think it is bad. But as impractical as it may seem, it is better for you to buy someone an expensive necklace than to pay thier car note. It says that you are willing to ADD to her life, not complete it.

[haubrich]

You said that so much better!

[menezes]

all you missed was "thank you for your post, blah blah, facetious comment, blah blah, I'm a troll, blah, blah blah"

[nicolini]

He didn't respond to me either.