Well I thought I was close to the talk

[haubrich]

Well I thought I was close to the talk I wrote last week about the feelings I am having for a friend of mine. Everyone is suggesting that she and I talk. I thought it was going to happen this weekend. Friday evening I met she and her son after work for a drink and dinner at one of the kid-friendly pubs in town. She ed me about 4pm and wanted to meet. We did and I had time to refreshen up beforehand. I looked great and was feeling it. She looked great too. We talked with a lot of "we's" and "us's" our next outing this Friday, plans for the summer, her out-of-town birthday weekend I'm planning. All a great setup for a more serious relationship talk, right ? She is hosting her family this weekend M&D, Aunt, Grandmother, her son. My Mom is deceased and my Dad is at my sister's house out of town. She is aware I have no plans today and doesn't invite me to her house. I'm sad inside but I'm thinking of it as a sign. I have invited her to about 3-4 family things and she has declined. My family gets together often: we just don't live in the same cities. We go to a floral shop and she gets flowers for her Mother and Grandmother. I have her son pick out a bouquet to give her. I say to her "when are you going to say to me...will you accept this rose?" Like they do on the Bachelor, a cheesy show she enjoys. She says "i'm never going to say that to you" Again more mixed messages.

[Jose]

Not mixed. You just don't to see it. She's fine with the way things are. You want something more and she's not going to go there. The short of it...move on. It will hurt but it will hurt a lot less than if you keep going the way you're going.

[patti]

It is so hard and it will hurt okay so she doesn't want more. Then I don't want to sit across from her, flirt with her, hold her hand, spend (waste) time wanting more if that's not going to happen. I want someone in my life and if it's not ever going to be her than I want to move on and find someone who does want me. I am a catch and have a lot of love to give and receive. It will hurt but I think I know in my heart she doesn't want more. I can say that the tears have turned to a matter-of-fact decision now especially after the no invite today. What do I do about our future plans ?

[benz]

The moral of the story: Do not offer your heart to straight girls. Try a Lady Lover next time.

[naill]

Cancel them. Here's the logic. If you go forward with the plans, she'll feel like it's okay to keep things the way they are. If you go forward with the plans, you'll be frustrated and that will prevent you from moving on. Please believe me, it will hurt to do this but it will hurt so much less if you do it now. None of us really want to be in emotional pain. Think of it like this. Better to get that booster for tetanus and have a sore arm for a couple days rather than deal with a raging infection later.

[camarena]

Besides, if you cancel with her, then it leaves an opening for a new (more appropriate) person to do those things with you. Good luck, it's hard~!

[sollers]

Very true kalyana I just got back from a workout and I feel good. I am kind of excited about what's ahead. It makes me sad to think about losing her but also I feel like a weight has been lifted because I know now what I'm going to do. I have some clarity and I haven't had any clarity for so long with her. I'm not saying I'll feel this strong each day and I may back slide but I'll re-read everyone's posts and again gain clarity. Thank you all !

[ethelyn]

I know in my heart she doesn't want more You said it! When we're enamored we will project our own feelings as coming from the other person. To emotionally move forward, you need to be completely neutral (in witness position - watch yourself interact) when you talk with her. This will help you to hear and see what she is really saying and who she really is. To keep yourself thinking positively, make a list of all your amazing qualities: love completely, financially secure, attractive, intelligent, etc... Review this to remind yourself of your true worth and of the person who will be attracted to your amazing self. As for your future plans. Consider and be honest with yourself first. Think of her feelings second. Then let her know exactly why you're choosing to stop (or move forward with) any future plans. The best thing she can leave with is knowing that you are standing in your own integrity. Perhaps she'll consider her actions, or not. It no longer matters. Just before you meet with her, think about who you want to be when you leave the conversation for good. Do you want to appear confident and someone worthy of being loved? Take control of your feelings, review your qualities, and as you said you deserve to be with someone who wants to be in your life.

[hedden]

Your heart is giving you the answer you seek. Listen carefully, the message is not mixed, it is direct.

[kiran]

Message doesn't seem mixed to me, either Sorry, Ginger. You know what you need to do. I know it hurts, but think how much more it's going to hurt if you continue to keep yourself in limbo.

[ulrich]

she wants to just b friends. accept it & move on

[thalman]

Thanks everyone for your advice and wisdom I wasn't alone after all yesterday. My Brother ed and I drove down there. They were out of town but got home early. He had lost his wife a couple of years ago and has x teenagers who I dearly love. It was great to be with others who love me and who I love unconditionally. Kids shift the focus off yourself and on to them. That's what I needed. I helped my nephew with some marketing homework. My niece and I made the salad for dinner. The dog is running around. It was nice. Just good ole' fashion family time. These are the times that I miss someone not with me. So in retrospect, I'm glad my friend had not invited me over. I would not have spent time with my family.